Blog posts March 2023 - May 2023

20/5/2023
It's a saturday night (midnight actually so I guess sunday..) and I'm listening to some great summer synthwave while I get ready for bed. This morning I started filling out an application for a college and I'm feeling pretty proud of myself, even though I'm late to the party. That was at maybe 11 AM and since then I've just been playing Splatoon and listening to music lol. It's great to have days off like this and I hope summer jobs and driving school and stuff doesn't get in the way of being able to do this even more. Honestly music feels like it's the hidden secret to staying in the best mood, as long as you make the right choice of what to listen to. I was listening to Kanye West's album Graduation while I played Splatoon earlier today and I was in the best mood ever, it's such a great album even though I don't like hip hop music like that. My final week of school is coming up - goodnight and see you later.

17/5/2023
Hello and good morning! It's currently 9:30 in the morning, and I don't have to leave for school until 10:30 today. I'm playing Splatoon right now, and I think I'm gonna watch something soon before I go to school. Anyways Tears of the Kingdom has released now but I don't have it yet! I've been having issues with my bank so I won't get it until later, so I'm still avoiding spoilers right now. ┐(￣ヘ￣）┌ Nonetheless it's super exciting that I'll get to play it within the next month!
Here's some good music for sweet mornings like this:

1/5/2023
Woah it's May now. That means I have less than a month left of High School left. When I was a kid I really imagined high school as exactly what you saw in movies and videos from the time, but now it's been several years, maybe even a decade since I saw that stuff and man I really wish it was like that. Been here half a decade and I've still never in my life seen a high school football game, IDK why I really expected that though, I guess I thought it would be a much closer experience than doing almost nothing the whole time. Maybe I can still get that experience in my one month left, y'know, something that's more than just academics? Maybe I'll try to do that for myself.
Here's a cool song that I love:

27/4/2023
Hello, I haven't been on here in a bit, just haven't gotten around to it. I've had a couple odd experiences that made me question what exactly I am to other people and to myself, and I've realized something that hopefully I won't forget about; that I've put too personal much worth on the outcome of things. A lot of the time I worry about my future and the massive uncertainty of it, and I've been trying to figure out the immediate next thing I can do. An example of this is the situation between me and wanting to go to college. I can't afford to go to college, and am opting to go to a trade school instead, but I keep hanging my mind on the gap that I've placed between myself and my ideal. Not sure if I can get there one day.

13/4/2023
I just saw the final trailer for Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom and it was AMAZING. Actually incredible, better than any film trailer I've ever seen! Watching this hit so hard because Nintendo has been kind of vague about the game and its story so far, but now they've absolutely knocked it out of the park. When that classic Zelda theme kicked in it felt like something straight out of a viking saga! I don't want to reveal too much here, but it soared straight past all of my expectations. (*￣∇￣*)

5/4/2023
Today was pretty awful. I don't know what's wrong with me. The school term just ended and I had english class this morning, but I still had missing work. It was a big project due when I had that terrible but kind of okay week in mid March, so I never did it and then was intimidated and stressed so I didn't do it later. Today my teacher reminded me about it and asked if I could turn it in on Friday. I said yes. I couldn't, I had never started it. Maybe a minute passed before I left the classroom and began crying the second I got into the hallway. I went to my counselor and just cried. I have a lot more work than that to do, and she just said I should do whatever I can and then turn in at least something on Friday. The period had ended by the time I got back to class. I don't know why I felt this way because I've seen way worse. When I got home I cried immediately. I have done this for every day of this week. Yesterday I forced myself to throw up, but I didn't eat anything today so I didn't. I vacuumed my room, but I kept thinking about things and all the work I have to do, and I miss my friend so so much but they won't answer me. I am very worried. I walked around several streets and through the woods and just cried about everything more and more until I got home. Nobody else is here. Here is a song that I like:

29/3/2023
Today my classes started at 11:00 AM instead of the regular 8:00 AM, so I had a few hours of extra time before I had to go to school. I woke up an hour later than I usually do and got dressed then I watched Nichijou. This was episode 8. I am one of those people who will only watch one episode of a show per day, to make it last longer. This lasted up until 9:00 AM, which is when I went outside. I NEVER walk to school, especially in freezing temperatures like this, but today was different so why not!? ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ The sky was super clear and blue and I listened to some very calming Japanese indie. I do not live in a very nice town, but the morning still looked very beautiful! 30 minutes later I got to a Dunkin Donuts place and I had breakfast with someone from my school. We talked about different things for a while and I have a hard time communicating with people but this felt really fun and natural. I stayed there for the next hour before the two of us walked to school together. The rest of the day was mellow and kind of boring, but the morning was wonderful and it's something I wish I could do again! (￣∇￣) Maybe I will have a chance in the summertime?

25/3/2023
Yesterday I woke up early, or as early as I could. Normally I wake up too late for when I should, and I end up rushing to get outside so I don't miss the bus. Yesterday I committed myself to waking up early, and with seven alarms I was able to wake up at 6:20 AM. I had breakfast, which I never do, but there were toaster waffles in the freezer so I decided to have those. I ate at my desk in my room while watching Nichijou, which is a really funny and cool anime I found out about recently. I really enjoyed watching it, and I think doing so was a benefit to my mood in the morning. I finished everything with time to spare, and it felt good. I walked home that day.
But today I didn't wake up early, I woke up past 9:00 AM. In the morning I was feeling really down; I was missing my friend and was stressed since I couldn't see them, which troubled me for a while. At about noon I decided to eat a muffin and watch Nichijou, and this really helped to bring my mood up! (ˉ▽ˉ；) After that I went on a walk in the park for about 2 hours, and it even snowed a little while I was out! It's been kind of mellow since then, but those things made today good.

19/3/2023
Some very bad things happened to me. I am going to keep it vague but things have been very tense with my mother after a very bad incident with her on my identity.
On Thursday I came home from school and my father came home about an hour later. He was a far distance north to help his friend work on a house, but my mother did not want to be in the same home as me alone, and so I had to leave also against my own will. This was at about four o'clock, and I was forced to pack up my things and leave my home within the hour. I did not know for how long. I was in the car for about five hours, and the distance was about 500 km; the journey ended late at night.
For context, this is in a relatively rural area and the house was not completed, so it lacked many amenities (such as a bed). ( ´—`) I slept alone in the small upstairs bedroom on a futon, and there was nothing else in the room. I was missing school and homework during this time, but I was not worried for some reason. After the first morning on Friday I spent a lot of time sitting on a pillow in the center of the room. I sat with my legs crossed facing the window, and this is where I ate meals. I told some people I know online that this is how I spent time, and they started calling me a "real monk" which I actually loved and think is funny! (*￣∇￣*) Most of my time I spent on my phone, and I watched a lot of videos about rural japan and Wii stuff, which is kind of glued into my mind now. There isn't actually a lot more to say considering this is kind of all I did, but I guess I was like a village monk.
I got home today at...11 PM?? Yes, I don't have any time to do my homework, especially since eh... I'm writing this now. I don't know how to explain this to my teachers, so I think I will just keep quiet about it and turn in my work later. That is, of course, as long as things don't get worse. But hey, what could be worse than being rejected by your family and forced to vacate your home? Yeah a lot of things I guess. ┐(￣ヘ￣）┌

09/3/2023
Hey, today was kind of okay. I'm missing a lot of work and didn't really do anything but I got to spend a lot of time in the library today, watching youtube videos and stuff. During my film class I was supposed to go to the auditorium, but me and another girl realized the teacher wouldn't know if we ditched, so we both just left. That was like my one interaction with another person today LOL. I also finally got the camera for my photography class today, and I will post my favorite pictures that I take soon on my Gallery. In other news today, the final trailer for the Super Mario Bros movie released which is exciting because obviously I really like Mario! Not to mention tomorrow is MAR10 (Mario Day)!! Y'know I always consider myself to be in a pretty insufferable state, but I'm just now noticing the kinda cool things that happened today. (￣▽￣)b